Tomeshia, 11, and Shaelyn Haag after a day of studying and working on Tomeshia's 6th grade homework. Photograph by Kelly Laduke.
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1. Why did you decide to become a mentor?
Through my previous volunteer experience with Community Hospice, I became friends with Kristen, a young girl who died the day she turned thirteen. We had many conversations about what she would like to do when she grew up. She wanted to give to others to help make their lives better. Kristen’s wisdom touched me in such a way that I promised her that I would honor her wish by volunteering with children who were less fortunate, but who had a long future ahead of them. In November, 2000, the City of Jacksonville challenged its employees to take advantage of an offer that allowed employees to receive one hour per week of administrative time to spend mentoring. My mother challenged me to attend mentoring training with her to see what mentoring entailed. I thought this would be a great way to begin making good on my promise to Kristen. After attending training at Kessler Mentoring Connection, the very next day I was contacted by Big Brothers Big Sisters, the agency with whom I chose to volunteer. I was impressed by the quick response, and the information they shared with me was enough to leave me seeking more. I was matched with a shy second-grader at Spring Park Elementary. The moment I met Tomeshia my dedication to mentoring was sealed. This young girl’s eyes were so full of hope and promise. Together I felt we could accomplish great things.
2. Describe your mentoring experience.
When I was first matched with Tomeshia she was unable to read, and as a result, she was falling behind in her school work. We made reading a priority and the very first time she read a book, cover to cover, the magic I experienced was overwhelming. At that very moment, I witnessed Tomeshia blossom. She grew more self-confident and more sure of her ability to actually know the right answers, which in turn prompted her to participate in class discussions more often. I was not the only one to notice. Tomeshia’s teacher was amazed by her transformation. By the time Tomeshia graduated from Spring Park, she was recognized by winning the Principal’s Award, a Citizenship Award, Most Improved Student, A-B Honor Roll and several other awards. Tomeshia was on her way! She enrolled at Landmark Middle School and her academic progress continued to flourish. This past fall, Tomeshia began High School at Sandalwood. She applied for and was awarded a Take Stock in Children four-year college scholarship. While maintaining a challenging academic schedule, Tomeshia signed up for chorus and drama classes. When I first was matched with Tomeshia eight years ago, I would never have believed that she would undertake such a personal challenge. In addition to academics, Tomeshia and I are very involved in community service. We make it a priority that after school work is complete, we share our time and talents with the community. Over the eight years, we have had our hands in projects all across the city. We have fed the homeless, made lunches for Sulzbacher Center, folded and sorted clothes at Dignity U Wear, visited patients at local hospitals and nursing homes, cleaned up streets, beaches, rivers and school yards. We pretty much offered to help in any way we could. |
 Tomeshia, 7, and Shaelyn spent a lot of time in the Spring Park Library learning to read. This is after Tomeshia read an entire book by herself.
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3. My most significant moments:
With more than eight years of experiences to choose from, it is hard to put this into words.
My highlights include:
-Tomeshia read her very first book
-Tomeshia “cleaned up” with awards at her Elementary School graduation
-Tomeshia nominated me for Big Sister of the year and I won locally and won Big Sister of the State of Florida in 2004
-We trained for and ran our first 5K with Girls on the Run
-Tomeshia was awarded her Take Stock in Children College Scholarship
-Tomeshia cheered with the Jr. Roar Production in front of the entire Alltel Stadium at half-time of a Jaguars game
-More generally, when I witness Tomeshia taking pride in what she has accomplished, when we share a laugh, or when she turns to me and says, “Shae, I couldn’t have done it without you.”
4. My greatest challenges:
The greatest challenge we all face is finding the time. However, from my years of mentoring Tomeshia, I find that the hours I share, no matter how strongly I feel like doing something else, turn out to be my best investments. The return far outweighs the cost. It is usually in that hour, here or there, that the true lessons are taught. And often, the hour that I begrudgingly gave, was the hour most needed and I, in turn, learn a valuable lesson as well.
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 Tomeshia, 14, and Shaelyn after a Sandalwood High School Choral Concert in December 2007.
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5. How you can become a mentor:
If I could package all that mentoring has meant to Tomeshia and to me, and sell it to others, we would be financially set for life. The value is priceless to each of us. Tomeshia has become the bright, confident, capable young woman that she was meant to be. And I have had the honor of witnessing her journey. What saddens me is that there are 45,000 other “Tomeshias” in the Jacksonville area that are in need of a friend, someone who can help them with school, with self-confidence, with behavior issues, with becoming a better person. And if more of us don’t step forward and offer our willingness to share our time, they will never experience the magic that Tomeshia has.
The City of Jacksonville graciously offers employees the opportunity to give one hour a week of administrative time to go out and mentor. What a gift! You are essentially being paid to make Jacksonville a better place, and to encourage another individual along the way. In addition to your paid time, the personal reward of becoming a mentor is the greatest benefit. I challenge you to become involved. Eight years ago I took the challenge – and look what has become of it!
Shaelyn L. Haag is a Judicial Staff Attorney for the 4th Judicial Circuit, Criminal Bench in the Duval County Courthouse in Jacksonville. |
Create the Magic!!!!
Last year in Florida over 15,000 Big Brothers and Big Sisters reached out and offered a youth the gift of friendship. Volunteers mentor as a Big Brother, Big Sister or a Big Couple. Volunteers join the Magic from the corporate world, retirement, high schools and colleges, faith communities and neighborhoods.
 What is a Mentor??
- Someone who spends their time with a young person in the community or in the youth’s school
- Someone who shares their knowledge, experience, insights, humor and friendship
- Someone who has a sincere desire and commitment to help a young person define and achieve their goals
- Someone who listens to and respects the thoughts and ideas of young people
- Someone who offers patience, support and enthusiasm to a young person
Who is a Mentor??
You are! Be a Friend! Be a Mentor!
Make the connection…
Big Brothers Big Sisters has a variety of volunteer opportunities available.
 Volunteers participate in one of our three primary programs.
- Community Based Mentoring: For as little as two hours twice a month, Bigs and Littles meet in their community to share fun activities….stories…and a little bit of themselves.
- School and Site-based Mentoring: Bigs and Littles meet once a week in schools, libraries and community centers, to talk and have fun! It’s not about being a tutor…it’s about being a friend.
- Mentoring Children of Prisoners: Bigs spend 4 hours per month with Littles who are experiencing the additional burden of having one or both parents incarcerated.
To learn more or to volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, connect with your local agency by clicking on the Affiliate button or calling 813-621-1188 or toll free 877-283-5055. A professional staff member from your community will contact you about your interests, match you with your Little, and be there throughout the relationship to assure it is safe and rewarding.
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